


You have to think. You’re going to break my heart if you don’t.

by faintingviolet



Series: Eddie Prompts - November 2020 [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angry Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Behavior, Eddie Diaz Week 2020 (9-1-1 TV), Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Tumblr Prompt, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, canon compliant through end of season three, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faintingviolet/pseuds/faintingviolet
Summary: November 11th [Veteran’s Day] - Day 3: “Let go!” + AngstEddie never wanted to see Buck run into a burning building alone. He especially didn’t want to see him do it after Bobby had ordered everyone down. He might not survive if Buck ever did it again after yelling in his face “Let go!” and pulling his arm away from where Eddie was holding onto it at the elbow.He wasn’t sure he was going to survive it this time.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Eddie Prompts - November 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016341
Comments: 12
Kudos: 254





	You have to think. You’re going to break my heart if you don’t.

Eddie never wanted to see Buck run into a burning building alone. He especially didn’t want to see him do it after Bobby had ordered everyone down. He might not survive if Buck ever did it again after yelling in his face “Let go!” and pulling his arm away from where Eddie was holding onto it at the elbow.

He wasn’t sure he was going to survive it this time.

Nor was he sure that Buck was going to survive once Eddie got his eyes on him again.

They had talked about this over and over. Buck would do something stupid at a scene, would put himself into unnecessary danger, he would take years off the end of Eddie’s life. Then, they’d talk about it: Eddie would tell Buck that he needed to stop risking himself unnecessarily, that he too had a responsibility to come home at the end of the day in one piece. Buck would invariably say he knew and that he wasn’t taking unnecessary risks, and that he’d do better anyway but Eddie needed to stop worrying so much and maybe remember the times he had made dangerous calls. Such as cutting his rope and ending up under 40 feet of mud.

They’d stare at each other, emotions running high, and then let it go because there didn’t feel like another way to end the conversation without it blowing up into a fully fledged fight.

The longer Buck was in this building, the more Eddie was convinced he was going to end up shouting in his best friend’s face before the night was over. Not having the fight hadn’t prevented him from having to watch Buck do something stupid, so maybe having the fight would.

Distantly he can hear Bobby screaming down his radio for Buck to get back here. He senses as Hen slides in next to him to watch the doorway and wait. And hope. Chim is pacing angrily behind them muttering about what he’s going to tell Maddie about her idiot brother. They all worry in their own ways, and they’ve had a bit of practice at it over the years.

In what feels like eons but is likely less than a minute Buck reappears, carrying out the person he had gone in for. Bobby stops yelling, Hen and Chim jump into action with the victim, and Eddie stays stock still, fuming.

All the anger he thought he felt when Buck had run away from him and back into that damned building hadn’t dissipated at the vision of Buck striding back out of the fully engulfed structure. Instead it quadrupled, at least.

What the fuck was Eddie going to do about loving a man who was always going to scare the ever-loving shit out of him at times like this. And dare to walk up to him with that shit eating grin, high on his own success.

“C’mon Eddie, it all worked out.”

“Fuck off.”

“Eddie –“

“No. You shouted ‘let go’ _in my fucking face_ and literally pulled your arm from my hand.”

“But Eddie,” Buck has pivoted into calming mode, unfortunately for him Eddie’s not ready to hear it.

“No. Fuck this shit Evan, you obviously don’t care how I feel.”

Eddie stomped off to where Bobby was, desperate to find something to do that wasn’t talking to Buck. Bobby immediately pieced it together and sent him off on cleanup tasks, sending Buck in the other direction after also having words with him.

Eddie was last on the truck, intentionally sitting on the opposite side from Buck, catching looks from their teammates. He ignores them as well.

When they’re back at the station Eddie is off the truck, into the showers, and then into the bunks without talking to another soul. His intention is to hide out until they’re either called out again or the shift ends, whichever comes first. Everyone respects the sanctity of the bunk room; his plan should work fine.

Everyone except Evan fucking Buckley, as it turns out.

The other man waits until Eddie is the only one in the bunk room before heading in and locking the door behind him. At the sound of the lock engaging – something so rare that Eddie couldn’t remember it happening before – Eddie turns instinctively and lets out a low stream of curses because of course its Buck.

“You called me Evan.”

Eddie doesn’t answer, just rolls back over on his bunk.

Buck doesn’t let himself be put off. He walks over to the adjoining bunk and sits down, tries again.

“Eddie, you called me Evan. I don’t think you’ve ever called me Evan before.”

“You’ve never shouted ‘let go’ in my face before.”

“I am sorry, Eds.”

“You scared the shit out of me, again. You pulled your arm from my hand and ran into a building you’d been told not to go in. And you told me to _let go_.” Eddie still hasn’t turned to face Buck and he’s fighting the tremor in his voice.

“You were wrong back there; I do care how you feel.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“I’m doing the job, Eddie.” Buck is pleading with the other man’s back, wishing he would turn around.

“The rest of us do the job and don’t pull shit like today nearly as often as you do. We need you to come back safe at the end of the call. Christopher expects you to come home safe. I need you to come home safe.”

“Eds…”

“You left me standing there. You don’t get it, Evan, I _need_ you to come home safe _to me_.” Tears have finally escaped; Eddie isn’t able to stop them, but he’ll be damned if he lets Buck see them.

“I need you too.”

Both men sit silently in the darkened room, the weight of what remains unsaid hanging between them.

Buck tries again after a few minutes, “you called me Evan again.”

Eddie sighs, “I did.”

“Most people call me Evan when I do something wrong.”

“Well, you had.”

Buck keeps going as if Eddie hadn’t spoken, “but I think maybe you called me Evan for another reason.”

Eddie does roll over then, and lets Buck see his face, and the tears that are streaming down it. He lets them answer for him, lets himself be vulnerable.

“Fuck, Eddie.” Buck is up and across the space immediately. He crawls into Eddie’s bunk with him, gathering the other man to him in the limited space. Holding him in his arms while the dam finally fully breaks and Eddie cries raggedly into his shoulder, Buck hooks his ankle around Eddie’s to ground him, another point of contact.

Buck has seen that look only one other time, when they thought they had lost Christopher and he had never wanted to see it ever again. He had certainly never expected to see it about _him._

Once Eddie’s breathing evens out Buck hears him say quietly into Buck’s shoulder, “you told me to let go, Evan. You can’t do that to me. You can’t.”

“I’m sorry, Eds. I’m so sorry.”

“You pulled your arm from my hold.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think.” Buck somehow tightens his arms around Eddie, pulling him even closer to communicate his sorrow, his apology.

“You have to think. You _have to_. You’re going to break my heart if you don’t.”

Buck is afraid to ask the next thing, but if he can’t ask it when Eddie is crying in his arms _about_ him then when the hell can he.

“Is it mine to break, Eddie?”

Eddie pulls his head back from where its been firmly rooted on Buck’s shoulder, looking him steadily in the eye, “yes, Evan, it is.”

A tentative smile breaks out on Buck’s face, “I knew it was another reason.”

The groan Eddie lets out is music to Buck’s ears, and to celebrate he catches Eddie’s mouth with his, kissing him softly, languidly, letting this newest point of connection tell Eddie how much he adores him.

“I love you too, Eds.” He says when they finally separate.

“I’m not done being mad at you.”

“I didn’t think you were.”

**Author's Note:**

> This one kept growing on me, changing its mind about what it wanted to be. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated!


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